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The Bipolar Effect
Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Bipolar Effect

I don't believe in having an ideal man. You would just like someone unexpectedly. I admit, I think I have fallen in love already. This guy from highschool. He was one my closest guy friends. We laughed alot, joked around and eventually, he became my first love.



He was someone who girls went gaga over. Even my girl friends liked him alot. They even got someone jealous of the relationship we had. He always made me kulet and would always suprisingly poke my cheek with his point finger. But it ended there. I admit, I never knew him alot deeper. I didn't even know the names of his parents and what they did for a living. He wouldn't open up secrets to me, well he never did to any girl in class. I could remember where it all started. Since Grade 6, we were on the same list of classroom cleaners up until highschool. He was a great gentleman, he never let me throw the trash and he would always lend a helping hand for me and our other peeps. He was like, one of the first, if not the first, men who treated me as a lady since men usually did not take me seriously since I have always been the so-called, "one-of-the-boys". There was a connection between us but it was never enough.

He was almost made up of everything. I even thought, he was the one for me and no could ever be better or perfect than him. He was good in playing the guitar and playing basketball. He was good-looking to alot but for me, he was just not really my type. That was PHYSICALLY. He was kind to everyone. Though he was corny at times, I still found him to be funny and couldn't help but laugh whenever I was with him. If he'd be marrying someday, I was so sure, he could be a very good family man. But despite all of these, he fell in love with someone who was not extraordinary. She was very simple and timid. And that wasn't me.

She was someone who was not really pretty. Even one of his guy friends asked me before, "All of girls, why her? She's not attractive at all." But I knew very well why he liked her. That was why I was never bitter with their relationship. She was someone who could not even say a bad word against others. She was very pure and innocent. I'm not exaggerating, it's just the way I can describe her to the LEAST. But I have to admit, I was jealous to the point that I thought a song from Nina was really written for me. Every line of it made me cry and emo.


Quoting from and old blog that I've written 3 years ago:

"Kaya nga, I'm excited to go to college. I hope I would forget him. Seeing him everyday sucks. Kaya nga maghahanap ako ng matinong lalake, parang siya. I had a small talk with a classmate of mine, she said if she's going to have a boyfriend, sana the one that she surely loves. Ganun din naman ako. Para I won't get hurt badly kesa 1st BF mo tapos break agad."

Well I guess, you've understood it.

Yes maybe, I found someone who could replace him. But this didn't stop the heartache. It just has been replaced.



If you would want me to explain what is the meaning of the word 'complicated' then I would just might as well spell out his name for you. Not because his name sounds Russian, yes it sounds fowl, one of the lamest names ever, but it's because he acts, moves and talks very differently. His sexuality really puzzles me. He is a bisexual, he admitted but we, his friends, think that he can be a real man. He's just so devastated over this girl he met in, yes you guess it right, in highschool. His heart, he claims, was really battered by this girl he pseudonyms as FROGGY. That's why I told it in my profile that I hate frogs. What also puzzles me is the way he treats me. It is different, really, if you would just be with me every single day. Every night, he would our landline and talk over stuff that if would broadcasted live on TV, would just make Chairman La Guardia go crazy. But we are not being limerent or anything, it's just that, we could just talk about matters and lay it down on the coffee table to talk over. Because of him, I learned alot about guys and other things. It's like, we share things ad educated one another. We're far different from each other but we have a full and stable connection.

But I cannot say that I have fallen in love for him. Crazy as you may think, but I am really poisoning these feelings to death as early as now. No not as early as because I have been feeling THIS for like months already. I haven't told this to anyone because I, think, can still handle this on my own. And good thing, I am not being linked to him or being teased upon by others. In fact, funny at it may seem, I'm being teased to this guy friend of ours. Like seriously but I don't think I will like him. We don't have the same kind of interaction with this bisexual guy. And the good thing is, this bi guy is making a false story out of this guy he saw on the internet so people from our network won't tease us or anything of that sort. He was like telling everyone that this guy is his boyfriend. How schizophrenic he is, isn't he? But he told me since day one that he has planted this mad scenario but I just let him be since this is making him somewhat forget that girl from his highschool DAW. But I asked him, if ever he would really fall for a guy, just at least give his Mom a grandchild. Although he has a brother, HAHA, funny, he's gay. Same story as his, devastated from his first love. You might think, it really runs in the blood. But I hope the blood clot would begin in him. I think I just have to beat him up.

Two extremely unlike guys but liked by a single girl. That's why I don't really believe in man of my dreams, ideal man, what am I looking for in a guy, etc. kinds of sh*t. I don't even know and I can't even explain why I've come to like these two insanely different guys. I just couldn't put my fingers on the reasons.

I remember an SMS quote that I received, "FIRST LOVE never dies. But TRUE LOVES buries it alive."

I'm getting there. =)

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Blogged on 11/23/2008 01:52:00 PM

posted by ella at 11/23/2008 01:52:00 PM