So I expected too much. I thought that I was the only person who could never ever make his nerves boil. He just ditched what he said to me before, "Wala atang nakakaasar sa'yo."

What happened was just simple. I saw a ballpen lying around just before him while he was busy doing something of the computer, blame our ever demanding professor, so I asked him if it was his (I gave a big deal to the G-tech ballpen). Then he said raising his voice, "Di sa 'kin 'yan!" It was petty but it meant something big for me. He never did that to me.

I thought our feelings were mutual, well, except for the romantic part actually. I never found him that irritating that I coul raise my voice at him. Oh well, I just remembered, I shouted at him when he said I something that I said but I did not at all. Well, end of this blog. Sorry for the fickle-minded me.

I was supposed to say, about the expectations part, that if someone likes a person that deeply, I don't think that person would not ever get irritated by that no matter what, I was supposed to say that I never felt irritated by him. But this is not completely the case for me, I actually was irritated by him 2 days ago. Does it mean that what I feel towards him aren't real at all and just pure product of immaturity and infatuation? I just can't understant, I never was not this sure about my feelings towards the opposite sex before, well, made me remind that he's not totally the opposite sex, let's just say a half of him.

Maybe I'm just darn unsure and this must be why I'm always absent-minded. My head spins all the time and sadly, my grades are dropping saying goodbye to the dean's list spot. THIS IS NOT ME, oh well, might be the part of me that I did not know before and only now has surfaced. I wish I could let this out to someone and that someone would give me the sanest and most logical answer to make me feel better about things.

And I just wish that I would never lose him. It's better to be just be friends with him that to lose him completely. But I can't be a hypocrit and smile at him when I feel otherwise about him.

Good thing, however, he was the first one to talk to me so I talked to him back. I just couldn't resist.

Labels: confused, confusion, friendship, love