So I expected too much. I thought that I was the only person who could never ever make his nerves boil. He just ditched what he said to me before, "Wala atang nakakaasar sa'yo."

What happened was just simple. I saw a ballpen lying around just before him while he was busy doing something of the computer, blame our ever demanding professor, so I asked him if it was his (I gave a big deal to the G-tech ballpen). Then he said raising his voice, "Di sa 'kin 'yan!" It was petty but it meant something big for me. He never did that to me.

I thought our feelings were mutual, well, except for the romantic part actually. I never found him that irritating that I coul raise my voice at him. Oh well, I just remembered, I shouted at him when he said I something that I said but I did not at all. Well, end of this blog. Sorry for the fickle-minded me.

I was supposed to say, about the expectations part, that if someone likes a person that deeply, I don't think that person would not ever get irritated by that no matter what, I was supposed to say that I never felt irritated by him. But this is not completely the case for me, I actually was irritated by him 2 days ago. Does it mean that what I feel towards him aren't real at all and just pure product of immaturity and infatuation? I just can't understant, I never was not this sure about my feelings towards the opposite sex before, well, made me remind that he's not totally the opposite sex, let's just say a half of him.

Maybe I'm just darn unsure and this must be why I'm always absent-minded. My head spins all the time and sadly, my grades are dropping saying goodbye to the dean's list spot. THIS IS NOT ME, oh well, might be the part of me that I did not know before and only now has surfaced. I wish I could let this out to someone and that someone would give me the sanest and most logical answer to make me feel better about things.

And I just wish that I would never lose him. It's better to be just be friends with him that to lose him completely. But I can't be a hypocrit and smile at him when I feel otherwise about him.

Good thing, however, he was the first one to talk to me so I talked to him back. I just couldn't resist.

Labels: confused, confusion, friendship, love

"hi ella! pasukan nnaman hehe,,
miss nkta prang keln lng..hehe!
bsta thank u tlg sa lahat.. seryoso yan..
ur someone n kht anu lng lumabas sa bibig ko e pnpkinggan m and madalas p puro alang kwenta!
ahaha,,bsta pg nkhanp k ng mnlligaw pkilala m muna ha! haha ,, dpat weirdo rn pra kasundo m,,jke! haaayy hehe i just thnk God for letting me know a good friend lyk u,, kht my mga away dati d k tlg kya magalit sau..hehe! kng lalaki nga lng aq niligawan n kta! haha ingat k n sakin my potential wat d jke!haha ingats plgi! loveyah..=)

-bestie- =)
hehe,,"


I just really love my bestfriend with what she said, "bsta pg nkhanp k ng mnlligaw pkilala m muna ha! haha ,, dpat weirdo rn pra kasundo m,". I know she was referring to HIM because when we were having a photosharing of our major PROSPECTS, I was telling stories about him and she was like, "Parehas kayong WIRDO!". And she really knew how to tickle my fancy. While scanning through our pictures with our crazy poses she told me, "Bagay kayo." And I was like thinking she might be hitting me a joke, "Di, totoo talaga," she added. But still, I thought she just wanted me to feel better.

My bestfriend is the one who knows almost everything about what I feel for HIM. She is the only one who can ever listen to me so intently and vise-versa. Why won't tell it to my friends in college? Practically because, HE and I have the same circle of friends, once I open this up to someone, for sure, eventually just like in a chain reaction, everything would be spoiled like crazy. But, of course, my bestfriend will fully understand what I really feel for HIM for I'm the type of person who cannot really put into words the intense feelings that I have for someone and I am generally not a mushy and cheesy person. This kind of conversation is not really my cup of tea that's why I am all babbling this up in this blog.

So what happened today?

As always, we were so noisy in class. HE, our other guy friend and I were making fun of our lady professor and the owner of our favorite fast food chain at the car park. The chain sells one of the best and cheapest sharksfin dumplings ever made. So when we thought of the two of them having an affair and doing the usual hanky-panky stuff, they would dripping each other with chili oil (because we thought that the chain's chili oil became hotter than usual that when I ate my dumplings, my mouth had blisters.), fetish mode. Yes, I know how disgusting and we were mimicking our professor's antics like crazy. HE and I were making kulit again and I ended up having pentel and ballpen inks and white liquid eraser on my right arm. I also got addicted with the smell of our friend's liquid eraser, smelled like car freshener so I outta buy one when I go to the mall.

Surprisingly, Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Calliat is being played by iTunes at this very moment.

Just let me give a rundown of my randomness.

Ateneo has really surpassed UP on the 500-best-universities-in-the-world list. My brother and I were really arguing about this since he would kill to death just to say his school's still on top. What now, lil bro?!

Long test tomorrow on a major subject and I do not have any idea where to start studying. I'm hoping in my deepest to at least have a passing mark!!! I wanna graduate in 2010!

If ever HE would discover this blog, I should be preparing myself now. I'll better a letter to be posted here but I'd rather do it with Photoshop, dunno why.

Labels: bestfriends, friendship, funny, love, weird