During a usual kulitan time in a class discussion.

Seating Arrangement: Guy friend, ME, HIM

Guy friend: Oi! Napanaginipan ko na asawa mo daw si HIM! (FYI, he doesn't know anything about my feelings for HIM.)

Me: Weh...

Guy friend: Oo nga! Pangalawang beses na napanaginipan ko na kinasal kayo.

Me: ...

Guy friend: Basta, nagtuturo ka na daw dito sa university tapos 'yung pinakita mo daw yung ID mo, nakalagay na daw apelyido mo EllA (insert HIS surname). Eh paano kong kayo talaga magkatuluyan?

Me: Eeewww. Yuck. (Chos)

HIM: *NR*

Why would I not have the same dreams when I am the one who's really involved?!


I really want to express my rants against my Mom's co-workers. They are so unfair with her, ganging up on someone who's really trying her best to bring money to the company. If it were not because of her, those b*tches won't have something to feed their families.

Nonetheless, I know that my Mom and my family can get through this and everything would fall into their places. It's Christmas afterall.

Labels: christmas, family, marraige, mommy, professor, university

I can't believe that I can't really help but to write this down. 'Tis heap of suppressed feelings and thoughts that kept bothering me to think that I've got alot of movies to dwell my apprehensions on. I couldn't find a means to get this one online for I am here in my Mom's house where internet connection is nothing but dead and my brother's laptop's not with him. Ideation of you keeps on bugging me and telling me that I miss you to think that I've just seen you yesterday, we were together in school. I really feel like getting to a phone right now and talking to you. I want to hear your voice. I want to let out my thoughts. I wanna feel you.

Scenario: You were having chest pains to the point that they were already bothering you. When we were talking over the phone, there came an instance that you paused for a sec and told me that the pains were bustling you again. You told me that you were okay and told it to your Mom already.
What I said: You might want to tell what was happening to you to your Dad who's apparently a physician but you hesitated since you've been having this cold war with him for years now. I stopped asking you how you felt and just went on with our conversation.
What I really felt: I was not satisfied with the idea that your mom already knew so I searched the net even if we all know how busy we were in school. I checked the symptoms that you told me that's was why I was able to suggest that it might be a heartburn and told you to if the pains would still persist, you might want to go to a doctor at once. It didn't end there. God knew how I prayed for you so hard every night.

Scenario: You were sick that day that you even hugged me so you would be kept warm but I was moving around and you told me top stop because you were feeling dizzy. You were absent the next day which was a finals day. You were that frail. Over the phone, I told you not to attend the next-day classes anymore because I knew that you were just going to flunk the tests.
What I said: I used my hand to touch you and feel your fever. I said that I could go with you to the health service but you resisted. I even informed everyone that you were sick.
What I really felt: Afraid that people might tease us, I moved around as if you were just on me hanging lifelessly but I stopped when you said you felt dizzy. I never knew if you felt it but I hugged back and felt you. I told you not to go to school anymore not because I thought that you were stupid (eventhough I always associate you with stupid and idiot things, they are all nothing but a joke), in fact, I always think that you are smart with your insights on things and all and you being a good conversant.

It was just that, I knew how hard it was to take a test infested with a flu, it was impossible for you to concentrate on the test and it was too risky to do so. I even prayed to God that you would consider my suggestion, I even didn't pray for myself that night because I knew you needed the prayer more. I was so thankful, God heeded my plead.

Scenario: You said that you were low-life.
What I said: I agreed.
What I really felt: I disagreed with what you said. Others think that way that you're nothing but a wallflower but if they would only get to know you better, they would be able to find an underlying strength and benevolence in you that only some know about. Your complexity makes you different and unique that despite all of these, you're always carefree and never afraid to show your real self.

Scenario: You want to be a model and you're even planning to attend a go-see for the CFAD fashion show on February.
What I said: Are you serious?! LOL.
What I really felt: Though I never thought that you got ALL what it takes to be a model, I still supported you and told you to just go on and do it. I even copy-pasted a link that I found on Multiply where aspiring models were being called for. I jokingly told you that I would want to watch you but it was really not a bon mot but actually, I really would want to see you walk the ramp and silently cheer for you even if I know that you would trip with your own foot with 45% probability. You are that clumsy! If you haven't noticed, I've always been supportive of you. I let you fool almost everyone in our block that this guy is your boyfriend because you said that it is somewhat diverting your attention away from Froggy and in the process forgetting her bit by bit even if I know that I would also be in trouble when they would find out that you are bluffing.


Honestly: Sometimes, I feel jealous over this guy whom you just found on Multiply through your random site hopping. He is a photographer and reviewer of aspiring nurses. Oh Lord, help me understand why I am getting jealous over a girl guy! I can't even understand how you can think of these make-believe stories that apparently sound true! You could have just chosen someone to act the whole think up with you who's close to you and more realistic in a sense. If you would only ask.

Scenario: You and Shrek.


What I said: You two, honestly look good together that I even started out a fan club for you, BEFORE. I even convinced alot to join and they became your instant fans (yeah, cheesy). But God really knew how I really liked the two of you to be together, BEFORE.
What I really felt: Everything changed not because of what I feel for you but because of what you feel for her. Sometimes you would just throw your rants against her that you get irritated by her always going home with you that sometimes you would make excuses just so you can go home alone by yourself. You also get annoyed by her bossiness at times. And these made me realize that you two are not meant to be and I have no right to push you to her. You have alot of differences and you can never ever fully jive. And I don't want you to be with someone you aren't happy with. Even if it's not with me, I hope you would find someone who can make you straight and find your true self, if that's not too much to ask for.

Scenario: My LSS's.
What I said: Their meanings don't have anything to do with how I feel, I just make petty connections between these songs to my life just so I can feel them more when I sing.

1. Next To You by Jordin Sparks
2. Collide by Howie Day
3. Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch
4. Thunder by Boys Like Girls
5. Paano Na Kaya by Bugoy
6. The Hardest Thing by 98 Degrees

And the list just goes on and on.

What I really felt: They're actually for you.

I sing these songs to you. If you would only read between the lines.

Labels: CFAD, friendship, missing, phone, school, Shrek, university, unrequited love

I thought I would not be able to post an entry tonight but then, good thing, our professor moved the deadline on Friday instead of tomorrow because, really, the assignment that she asked us to do was really beyond human capacity! Talking about a 77-page handout and you have to extract a timeline of the early history of home and family life of children with the key concepts taken not of, there's no way that I will be able to finish it! Anyway, enough of my rants about this.

I really had a lucky day, it was as if the whole universe conspired with me and all my prayers were answered. My professor postponed our long test for he brought the wrong set of test papers. Very luck y of us indeed! Although, I studied last night but I think, I didn't ready myself enough to get a passing grade, short of saying that most probably I would fail the test. My professor in Sociology, on the other hand, who is really known for her monstrous character was very kind and lenient when she entered the classroom. This is so far from her character. I remembered one time, when a quiz just ended, my friend told me that she was so going to flunk in the test, same sentiment with me, but it was understandable since the crazy prof did not teach what to we tested on anyway. Then she saw as and said, "At my command, please for 5 minutes, go outside." We were really startled! It was a total injustice since the whole class was very noisy and we were the only ones she saw. Maybe because, my friend is the class president. My friend was kind of hesitant to go outside but I just pulled her out because our professor was very strong with her decision. When we went outside, we just laughed the whole thing along since we knew how crazy that professor was. Then after like, 4 minutes, my classmate asked us to go inside since our prof told her to do so. I shouted, "Wala pa kayang 5 minutes!". I really intended to do that since I was really pissed by what she did, she was the first ever teacher who did that to me! My classmates said that they heard what I said and they just held their laughter afraid to be character assassinated by the prof.

But today, she was different. She was putting our program, special education on the highest pedestal above the accountants, businessmen and even nutritionists!!! And she never gave us that sharp look of hers. But I kind of predicted that she was going to be in a good mood since before our class, she and the other faculty members, greeted our college rector who was celebrating his birthday.

But the best part of this day would be our Dev Read class. How I really adore our male teacher!!! Since day 1, I have developed a crush and the first one to ever know that is HIM. He speaks articulately and his humor amazes me. He asked me to recite Sonnet 118 but 116 was the only one that I knew of, so he recited it to me, us I mean =P, I froze at that moment and my friend was laughing at me asking me what I felt. I tried to look for his blogs, Multiply, MySpace, Friendster or whatevs (famous expression of his) but GAD!!! Not a single one I was able to find maybe he's using another name!!! But because of my stalking skills, I was able to find out his middle name and the year he graduated. My friend who also has the hots for him was really impressed. =P

Today in class, I was active but not as active as I am in other class since I'm shy to commit a mistake in front of him and when I speak, I tremble to the tee. When he asked for a volunteer to act out as a Grade 1 pupil, HIM was really encouraging me to raise my hand (I was like, errrrr... Aren't you jealous?! ASA! Haha) but I didn't because I was not in the mood to act as Bonjing. He had a new haircut, by the way, the one I thought which would look good on him. He looked like a lesbian with his previous hair, I told him that I think, Sir Dev Read would look better with a shorter hair. Everyone was really awed by his new appearance, I could even see our Korean classmates drooling over him. I remembered our first day with him, the Korean girls were late and when they went into the classroom, one of them screamed something which all puzzled us since we didn't understand for it was in Korean. Then my Korean friend told us that what she said actually directly translates as, "Handsome"!!! We were laughing when we knew that, that girl was hilarious!


Back to today, one of our classmates was late and when she greeted Sir, at first, she didn't notice the new look but when she fully saw him, she stuttered and was just staring at him! Now, I have alot to compete with! DARN IT!!!

He's face is also familiar to me then I remembered a drawing I made when I was like 8 years old. I was so blinded by the idea and curiosity of having a boyfriend so I drew myself an ideal man (stupid I know) which included his family on the portrait. I'm not being crazy and lying, but he actually looked like Sir Dev Read! Ahem! Now, there is no way I will be linked to HIM since we are both 'tied' to another. Sir Dev Read can mask my hidden agenda!!! If you know what I mean.

Closing Remark. Just want to congratulate the staff of our university paper for coming up with a glossy, colored and substantively good school paper!!! It was a total makeover indeed and even the comics, which I didn't really mind at all before, gave me some smiles and laughs although some parts were still corny and lame to me. Jia you, guys! ^_^

Labels: assignment, education, koreans, school, special education, university