So I expected too much. I thought that I was the only person who could never ever make his nerves boil. He just ditched what he said to me before, "Wala atang nakakaasar sa'yo."

What happened was just simple. I saw a ballpen lying around just before him while he was busy doing something of the computer, blame our ever demanding professor, so I asked him if it was his (I gave a big deal to the G-tech ballpen). Then he said raising his voice, "Di sa 'kin 'yan!" It was petty but it meant something big for me. He never did that to me.

I thought our feelings were mutual, well, except for the romantic part actually. I never found him that irritating that I coul raise my voice at him. Oh well, I just remembered, I shouted at him when he said I something that I said but I did not at all. Well, end of this blog. Sorry for the fickle-minded me.

I was supposed to say, about the expectations part, that if someone likes a person that deeply, I don't think that person would not ever get irritated by that no matter what, I was supposed to say that I never felt irritated by him. But this is not completely the case for me, I actually was irritated by him 2 days ago. Does it mean that what I feel towards him aren't real at all and just pure product of immaturity and infatuation? I just can't understant, I never was not this sure about my feelings towards the opposite sex before, well, made me remind that he's not totally the opposite sex, let's just say a half of him.

Maybe I'm just darn unsure and this must be why I'm always absent-minded. My head spins all the time and sadly, my grades are dropping saying goodbye to the dean's list spot. THIS IS NOT ME, oh well, might be the part of me that I did not know before and only now has surfaced. I wish I could let this out to someone and that someone would give me the sanest and most logical answer to make me feel better about things.

And I just wish that I would never lose him. It's better to be just be friends with him that to lose him completely. But I can't be a hypocrit and smile at him when I feel otherwise about him.

Good thing, however, he was the first one to talk to me so I talked to him back. I just couldn't resist.

Labels: confused, confusion, friendship, love

During a usual kulitan time in a class discussion.

Seating Arrangement: Guy friend, ME, HIM

Guy friend: Oi! Napanaginipan ko na asawa mo daw si HIM! (FYI, he doesn't know anything about my feelings for HIM.)

Me: Weh...

Guy friend: Oo nga! Pangalawang beses na napanaginipan ko na kinasal kayo.

Me: ...

Guy friend: Basta, nagtuturo ka na daw dito sa university tapos 'yung pinakita mo daw yung ID mo, nakalagay na daw apelyido mo EllA (insert HIS surname). Eh paano kong kayo talaga magkatuluyan?

Me: Eeewww. Yuck. (Chos)

HIM: *NR*

Why would I not have the same dreams when I am the one who's really involved?!


I really want to express my rants against my Mom's co-workers. They are so unfair with her, ganging up on someone who's really trying her best to bring money to the company. If it were not because of her, those b*tches won't have something to feed their families.

Nonetheless, I know that my Mom and my family can get through this and everything would fall into their places. It's Christmas afterall.

Labels: christmas, family, marraige, mommy, professor, university

This day was almost a mess! Oh well, almost.

My Guesses All Failed

Oh well, how I always thought that I was good in decoding meaning of poems but I fell with a thud in Literature class today. All my interpretations of the poems that we read seemed to be less appealing to our prof. But still, I believe in the general rule in literature that EACH OF US HAS HIS OWN OWN INTERPRETATION and IDEATION of poems and even songs.

9 vs 19

This , I should say, gave me the biggest headache ever today!

Our class decided to have an outreach program instead of our regular Christmas party held every year. We had already talked about that we would be helping and celebrating with special children in our adopted orphanage. Everything changed when we replanned everything again. They (the 19 people composing the majority of our class) were like making excuses that it would not be feasible to plan for a program, party and gift-giving in the orphanage because of the restricted time and schedule that we have. They were just thinking that our class would just want to drop our donations and that's it because it so much easier. Nine of us still believed that it would still be possible and we stood up bravely. We are going to prove them that what they are thinking is wrong!!! We promised ourselves that we are going to make this bash possible and plan everything for my, sorry for the word, mediocre classmates. What really aggravated this disoriented situation of mine was HIM. I dunno, I couldn't believe he joined us, the brave souls (he was so thinking more that twice but I knew he really would like to help) and I was disappointed by HIM when he was even the one who printed out the list of orphanages that I was able to find on the net. My friend said that HE really wanted to join us but he was thinking of the time (I almost forgot that he was a blah). Another thing that ruined by wits, my classmates were too stingy to shell out money for this worthwhile event but they were so willing to spend alot on exchange gifts and our class party?! WTF?! What kind of attitude and empathy were you trying to show?!

McDo Fries (love much!) Put Into Waste

McDonald's French Fries, FYI, would be one of my most favorite comfort food. My friend gave me such, I think out of pity because I wasn't able to buy lunch for myself due to the whole planning thingy. The french fry box was still full, so I gave some to HIM but HE was super clumsy that He accidentally pulled the box as he was getting his fries. The precious french fries were scattered all over the floor!!! He was super sorry and even told me to buy another one but I declined. It was free anyway. And maybe, just maybe, he could not really make me angry.

Sold Out



I was really eager to have either one of these two dresses. I saw these dresses on a Multiply online shop and I really wanted to wear one of them to my cousin's wedding on January. I would really make kulit the seller to see if the dresses were still available. You see, I'm not really the type of person who loves shopping and clothes, the stereotyped girly dramas but these dresses, especially the grey one really made my eyes wide and made me tell myself,"This is so DAMN PERFECT for the wedding!". I even went online at 5:30 am, almost running late for school and went to a computer shop after class just to check for her reply.

The verdict? Ouch.

Thought It Was US

At the gym, my friend told me that one of our friends, who happens to be her seatmate/chatmate said, "Alam mo, feeling ko talaga, may gusto sa isa't isa 'yang DALAWA. 'Di lang nag-aaminan". Then I asked her, who were the two he was mentioning? Then my friend smiled. From there, I knew, I was involved then I asked who's the other half. I was expecting HIS name that I would be hearing but it was another. It was one of my guy friends who I always joke around and laugh with and the one who gave me the fries. Hearing HIS name would have sounded way better.

From here, HIM hasn't done anything good so far. And I was at my dullest moment. Until...

I Thought He Would Never Come

HE is also my gym mate but he's always too lazy to go exercising that I think he is not really able to maximize what he pays for the facilities and all. He would come once a week or so. In music class (just before the spilling of fries incident), he already told me that he would come to the gym, he just had to get clothes from his house, short of saying that he would follow but still he wasn't sure. I asked what's gotten into him to decide to go to the gym. Our teacher came, he wasn't able to answer.

At the gym, we arrived late that usual because I ate lunch first (Ruffles and ensaymada, not good for a girl who is on a diet). My friend and I were so sure that he would not be coming since it was late already. When we were about to start sweating our butts off on the treadmill, I saw him coming, kinda puzzled why we were still about to start. I dunno, but all of a sudden, all the heavy feelings that I had faded away in an instant when we started to joke around and make fun of our friend. He also told me that he added another story about his imaginary boyfriend. He would tell everyone tomorrow that he would be having his first kiss with him after having a fight with him at the boy's pad. Now tell me about what's sick.

Til then, he made my day. ^_^

Labels: exercise, fashion, food, gym, January, korean dresses, literature, McDonald's, orphanage, special children, special education, wedding